For this piece of writing I have focussing on my vocabulary and punctuation. I have been learning to: -
- use a range of precise vocabulary to communicate meaning (Year ⅞)
- use all basic punctuation independently and attempt more complex punctuation (eg semicolons, colons, parentheses) (Year 7/8)
The pieces of my writing that are highlighted green are where I have shown my vocabulary and punctuation goal
Talia And The Big Bold Adventure
Once upon a time their was a 12 year old girl named Talia, Talia is an outgoing girl who loves the outdoors and Nature.She lives on a farm with her Mum, Dad, and Sister Kelly. Talia and Kelly are close sisters.They live in the south island New Zealand.
Talia loves animals and wants to be a veterinarian when she is older.She loves exploring in the forest next to her house.Talia is very caring, but tries to be the best that she can be. Sometimes Talia can be a bit bossy, either when she is hungry or stressed.
“Kelly stop messing up my room!”
said Talia. Talia and Kelly are in a bit of a fight.They both want to have a friend over, so Kelly wants to have Bella over (Kelly’s friend) But Talia wants to have Rebecca over.
“Mum help me out”
“Kelly is messing up my room!”
"Kelly come here, Talia you can have Rebecca over. "Said Mum“ What! No fair”Moaned Kelly."It is your fault Kelly"Mum said in a calm voice.Kelly Stormed off in anger.
The doorbell rang Talia went to get the door.Rebecca was standing outside waiting.
”Hi Rebecca, what do you want to do.”Said Talia ”could we go explore the forest?"Replied Rebecca.
“Yes that is a great idea! “Talia agreed.
Talia and Rebecca started walking to the forest…… “Hey Talia, what is that glow in the distance?” “Maybe it is just someone looking round with a torch.” The light got brighter. The colour became more clear, it was purple.Talia and Rebecca went closer.
They started looking for were the location and what is was.They had found the light. “It looks like some sort of portal” said Rebecca. “We should go, it is almost dark”Said Talia,"Mum will be looking for us."No!" Said Rebecca, Rebecca grabbed Talia’s arm, Rebecca slipped and fell into the portal. Bringing Talia with her.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!.............. Where are we, the girls said to themselves. They walked around together. Where do you think we are? Said Talia.Somewhere where we are not supposed to be. Said Rebecca.
The girls went towards a dark scary cave. Their was a shadow. It has 6 legs. They looked at each other, Do you think we should go over their?, Said Talia, Ummmm Ok agreed Rebecca.The girls went over to the shadow.
"Who are you?", said the shadow in a high pich vioce, "It’s Rebecca and Talia".."Hmmm I have never heard such a thing."The shadow crept out.It was a spider, a talking spider.'Exscues me miss spider, where are we?' Said Talia, You are in the portal land, the only place where animals and creatures can talk ."Wow"the girls replied.Can you help us get home?
But of course.Oh thank you so very much. Said Talia in relief. Only on one condition.OKay said Rebecca, Follow me, the girls followed the spider.Where are we, don’t know said Rebecca.The spider took them to another cave.
There was a lever, well go on pull it.The girls yanked down the lever.The floor became a hole,they tumbled down the hole. "Ouch!" Talia said.They fell to the ground, except it wasn’t hard, it was was soft and spongy.Follow me the spider said.The girls followed.
Their was a purple ball that showed pictures."Do you see the Magic Ball?" " Yes we do said the girls." Look closer, the girls leaned in , they saw a little spider, trapped in a cage, "That is what you have to do, you need to save my daughter", the spider said.
"Okay where is the spider at? "Here follow this map it will lead to my daughter, and hurry, be back by sunset.The girls quickly ran out and pulled the lever to the elevator. Where is your destination? Said the elevator.The girls looked at the map “The map says avenue mountain”
“Transporting to Avenue Mountain” Zooooom. The elevator shot out from the roof.The elevator slowed down to make a steady landing. “Destination Arrived” Said the elevator.
The girls hopped out of the elevator, there was a underwater cave , so they walked out and into the cave.All the girls heard was voices teasing, and evil laughs.The girls slowly and quietly popped their head around the corner, “Their is the spider” Said Rebecca Should we go over their, no Rebbecca, we need a distraction.
The girls grabbed a gun and shot it outside. All the trolls went outside to see what the noise was.The girls quickly ran inside the cave and freed the spider.”RUN!” yelled Rebecca.they ran to the elevator.ZOOM! Of went the elevator.The girls had arrived.”Where's my Mummy?” Said the spider, “follow us”Replied Talia. “There she is!” Said the spider in relief.
The spiders reunited.Thank you, Said the spider.Now I must help you, follow me, the girls followed.As they walked along their was shimmery shiney, pepples on the ground.”Are you Coming?” Said the spider, “Oh sorry replied the girls” They didn’t have time to look at it so they put it in their pocket.“Stand here” The spider said, they stood in a portal, Ready? Let's go! Said the girls.POP! The girls ended up in Talia’s room, They were lying on the bed, “Man my head is sore” Same! Said Talia.What a dream. That's is funny we had the same dream said Rebecca.Yeah hey what is in our pockets? Said Talia
” Maybe it wasn’t a dream! Said the girls!